50 Ways to Kill Your Plants, Well Almost

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I have been thinking about all the gardening mistakes I have made over the years. They are many and varied. The ones earliest in my gardening career were some of the most outrageous. But I continue to make mistakes as I try out new plant varieties or work under different environmental conditions in my yard as my landscaping ages.

As I was thinking about these things, a song started running through my mind: Paul Simon's 2006 release 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Then it hit me -There must be 50 Ways to Kill Your Flowers. Now in the name of full disclosure and clarity, the term flower is being used to signify any plant. Also, I have not committed every single crime on this list, though I have committed most of them. Some were committed by helpers, relatives, or colleagues.

1. Abandon them	Forget about them in the backseat of your car for days
2. Beat them	Allow them to be pummeled with hail
3. Blind them	Shut them away in the dark where they can't photosynthesize
4-6. Bury them	Transplant them too deeply. Or bury with mulch or bark
7. Dehydrate them	Forget to water
8-10. Devour them	Bugs, birds, and mammals will all help themselves
11, 12. Drown them	Overwater them or plant without enough drainage
13, 14. Encircle them	Let them become totally rootbound or let the ties attached to planting stakes remain forever, encircling the trunk
15. Freeze them	Forget to cover them in a predicted cold snap
16-18. Infect them	Carry pathogens on dirty tools and infect with bacterial, fungal, or viral diseases
19-21. Poison them	Weed killer, excessive fertilizer or even a mixed (alcoholic) drink will do the trick
22. Scald them	Fail to protect sensitive plants with shade cloth so they develop sunscald
23. Scorch them	Wildfires can consume
24. Smother them	Let weeds overgrow and outcompete your plants
25. Starve them	Don't give them their needed Nitrogen, Phosphorus and Potassium
26. Step on them	Can't believe how often this happens
27. Strangle them	Just watch how quickly bindweed will attack
28. Trash them	Mistake a dormant perennial for a dead plant and toss it
29, 30. Uproot them	Think seedlings are weeds and pull or forget where you put those bulbs
31. Whip them	Allow the wind to whip and batter your plants

After generating this list, I am amazed that I have any greenery left in my landscape at all. Actually, some of these mistakes didn't kill the plant but did cause serious harm. Many plants are quite resistant, others, not so much. My list didn't quite make it to 50 ways, though. If you can think of other ways that you have harmed plants, you can add them to the list via the Comments section. Maybe we can make it to 50 together!

Devour by bird. photos by Karen Metz